Not Bitter, Just Disappointed

Disclaimer: I can only speak for myself and from my experiences and observations. If what I say resonates with you great if not still great but please know, I never intend to throw shade but rather to shine light and make you think.

Picture it, a beautiful young lady who has just worked a ten-hour day she knows she needs to get to the gym and the store before its time for her last business meeting of the day. She rushes to the gym instead of her usual two-hour cardio-core workout she only has time for a good forty-five minutes of whatever she can get in. The gym is crowded due to the lateness of the evening. The machines are filled with serious gym hunks that are throwing up numbers like 215, 320 and 405.

She just wants to get to one machine to do a little leg work and head over to the lateral pull down for a few sets. As she meanders her way to the machines there’s a barrage of x-ray stares coupled with a few grunts and inappropriate remarks about her body she makes it to the leg press, but the seat is all sweaty from the guy who just finished. He saw her coming and got up to let her use it, he says, “so what are you doing in here, you don’t need to work out?” Okay he tries to throw a little filler out there to get a conversation going with her to no avail because she is disgusted with the seat left in a mess she really doesn’t talk to him.

Imagine this, a well-established woman with a nice car drives to her local grocery store for a few things. She has some friends coming over later and she needs to get the essentials in the house like paper towels, toilet paper, water and sodas. She has gathered all her items makes it to check out and on her way to the parking lot she hears a series of “Hey, hey yo hold up”. She doesn’t pay them any attention because she knows that she is on her way to the car with these item as she rolls the cart to the car, a car pulls up alongside her and yells “Hey I’m trying to get your attention.” As she glares at the gentlemen and acknowledges him and says “hello”. She continues to load her car with her items while he is persistently asking all the run of the mill questions. Do you have a boyfriend, where’s your husband, oh, and my personal favorite “can I be your friend?”

I’m sure there are many ladies who can attest to these occurrences it may not be exactly as described but it’s similar. Undoubtedly there are some men whom have either exhibited this behavior or at least have watch their friends do it.

A woman heads to her vehicle on a snowy cold day she turns her car on to try to warm it up and proceeds to clean off the snow and ice. She’s petite in statue but she is managing to clear off what she can. With her short arms she moves from one side to the other trying her best to clear the vehicle. Thankfully while it is warming up the snow is starting to slide off the hood. In all her efforts to clean two cars drive by, slow down and beep the horn trying to get her attention, she really doesn’t have time to talk to them she is vigorously trying to clean off her vehicle. The woman has made it to the top of the vehicle the snow is really thick and she can barely maneuver to get the snow off the top a city truck pulls up stops, blows the horn, rolls down the windows and proceeds to yell “hey baby you cute, you pretty” as they talk over each other to say one remark after the other. As the woman struggled to continue to push the snow off the vehicle at last resort she waved, and the truck pulled off. I wonder what they were expecting her to do.

Wow, now what we have here boys and girls is a conundrum. In all the scenarios there were some crucial mistakes and being the good teacher that I am on going to give you a one of the blaring ones and allow you to have homework for the remainders.

Let’s start with lack of consideration in all the scenarios the potential suitors never considered that this was probably the most inopportune moment for the women and it wasn’t that she didn’t want to speak it was the lack of consideration for what she was doing and their inability to recognize an opportunity to assist which would have aided them in their pursuit of her. Oh, I hear you saying well she should be happy somebody tried to talk to her old bitter self. Yes, I hear you loud and clear.

She’s not bitter she’s just disappointed in you. And truth be told it’s not completely your fault. You have been culturally set up to approach and treat women a certain way. You are predisposed to the notion that it’s okay to holler at a lady and think she’s going to respond. Young women realize that young men are in training to be full grown men whether they are 25 or 55, often it takes longer for the maturation process.

And let’s deal with this bitterness for a moment. I know some of you guys have come across bitter women and it was a major turn off for you. And I’m sure some of you have been bitter too you just had the luxury of disguising it better with alcohol, more women, games, cars and drugs. Women aren’t afforded that luxury most have to deal with it and confront the who, what and why. If a woman handled her bitterness they way men handle theirs she would be called all kinds of non-fashionable labels. So, bitterness happens across the board when dealt with properly you gain an awareness of what you are no longer going to tolerate and to the untrained eye confidence and self-assuredness looks like bitterness.

Gentlemen please take some time and think before you approach young women and grown women. The “game” will cause you to miss out every time. I apologize if in your proverbial handbook that was given to you didn’t give you the proper information. I’m going to need you to be a good student and study more for yourself to get your desired results.

Remember you are protectors by nature of the female species it’s very difficult when you jump in and out of protector role to predator mode for females to be nurturing and docile. Females by nature are nurturers but once they feel threaten they will go into a defensive mode and they will stand their ground to protect themselves from any unwanted foolishness, advances and cat calls which will leave you feeling rejected.

The next time gentlemen before you start hollering at a young lady or woman think, what are your expectations if you set the situation up as call and response concert. We all know how that ends a lot of screaming with tickets and confetti on the floor.

She’s not bitter my friend she’s just disappointed that you didn’t even put your name on the paper, so she could at least give you five points now she has to give you a “F” for not following instructions and lack of effort.