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The Game of Convenience

All comments are written according to opinion, I am not proclaiming to be a professional giver of advise, but just a giver of knowledge and food for deeper thoughts.

A man proposes marriage to a woman, she accepts and says yes. They spend thousands of dollars on a wedding ceremony and the reception. The woman spends countless hours picking out her dress, colors, flowers, cakes, napkins, cups, plates, cutlery, and the like. The man spends time planning a bachelor party and making sure his best man holds on to the rings.

The parents of both the bride/groom to be are elated, "finally my baby girl leaves the nest", "finally a good woman to take good care of my son." The big day has arrived--the minister gives the bride and groom their vows to say respectively, "Do you Mr. Y take Ms. X to be your lawfully wedded wife to have to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer... to death do you part? Do you Ms. X take Mr. Y to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer... till death do you part? And they both say, "I DO".

Your new life as a unit has begun; you now have bills together, house note, and car notes, grocery bills, and credit card debts. You have working careers, active church lives, and social gatherings. You've picked out colors for your bedroom, living room, dining room, and kitchen.

Your life is going along quite well, but with every good thing, something bad comes to destroy and it happens. One day he awakes and realizes that she is not what he wants. One day she wakes up and realizes that he was never what she wanted. A year passes by and two years pass by and three...and now eight years have gone by.

Mr. X and Ms. Y are not speaking to each other. There are no more dinners together. The bills are coming up short and no one knows why. He comes home later than usual; she is always shopping and spending excessive money. The most that is going in the household are the bills. No one wants to give his or her ground for the other.

Husbands Say: You have out grown me I have no control over you anymore. You do everything for yourself, you have taken away my manhood. I can't please or satisfy you. So now I will just use you. I'll make you cook, clean, and wash. I'll make you feel that whatever you have done, it's not enough. I won't go anywhere with you, no restaurants, no family gatherings, and not even the grocery store. I will stop talking to you, we'll sleep in separate parts of the house, and I'll divide our money. You will have your own account, and I will have mine. Occasionally we will meet for conjugal visits.

Wives Say: I did out-grow you because you didn't take care of me. And no, you don’t satisfy me anymore. I had to go elsewhere to seek fulfillment. I had to resort to my own dreams of what used to be. You were too controlling you began to suffocate my life. You were no longer growing with me. Yes, I noticed that you wouldn't go anywhere with me, so I went by myself. I only spoke to you to be cordial and went about my little way. I didn't mind sleeping away from you; you weren't good to me anyway. And the conjugal visits we did have, please, I have had better dreams.

And thus, the saga continues with a husband who didn't want to give in and a wife who feels the same way. Marriage is often thought of as an institution of convenience one that provides security and stability. Marriage offers companionship, which alleviates the feelings of loneliness, and thoughts of rejection. It also provides a societal acceptance it also gives an extension of self, by the offspring that the union brings.

Marriage has offered an escape for those who are seeking their own identities. Marriage also provides a safeguard against STD's, it yields comfort, love and trust. Marriage gives you a teammate for life and it can give so much more.

Marriages were ordained and sanctioned by God from the beginning of time. God originally created woman to be the “help meet” a suitable complementary partner for the man, his balance. She was supposed to be there to give comfort and a helping hand incubate the visions and dreams the husband has set forth for the family. And he was supposed to follow God and lead the family thus, maintaining his union with his own wife.

As times changed marriage has become a trend like a fad passing in the winds. It is being jumped into ill-advisedly and jumped out of just the same. We have couples that are getting married because societal constraints, wanting to be married by a certain time in your life. Some are getting married because there are children being brought into the world. Some marriages are happening to escape restrictive households and some are just in it for the money.

There are some marriages that were entered because of love and a desire to have a lifetime companion, to have a holy sanction before God. And for those who have made that choice, I commend you and I also bid you God speed to endure the rocky roads to come. Thank you for realizing that you have made a serious commitment one that should not have been easy to get into and just as hard to get out of. Always be true to your spouse, yourself and to God.

But for those of us who have decided that marriage was like buying a pack of gum, if I don't want the Juicy Fruit you’ll trade it for the Double mint, we must do better, be better. We must realize that these are serious commitments and that we should not make a lifetime decision without doing our homework. We need to take time and discuss issues such as what are his career plans, and how many children does she want? Where do we want to live, what to do when the bills are behind? And most importantly, what to do when things aren't going as he thought, or as she dreamed it to be? Take time to know who you are and your desires and dreams before you go and take on the desires and dreams of another person.

Life is too short to be wasting time and it has so much to offer for you not to take part in it and share it with others. Take your time and rush for no one, the decision you make to get marry will be something you will have to live with for the rest of your life.

Spend time learning, discussing, and sharing issues and concerns. Communication is vital to any relationship maturing and growing to its full potential. Take time with one another, never be afraid to talk anything over with your partner, because one of the worse things to do is to stop communicating, once communication is lost the relationship will begin to deteriorate, the love will be lost, the respect will dwindle away. Now you have two very angry, disgusted, vengeful, and unhappy people.

Let us learn from the saga above, no one sat down and talked about what he or she really wanted or expected. They never discussed what they would need to do as a couple. Time just continue to pass by as fallacies began to pile on top of each other; no one addressing the issues at hand. Thus, you have the saga above that has now turned into the saga below:

I don't love you nor do I care too. You are just here for my needs and wants. I need you for sex, I want you to cook and clean. I need you to make my image prestigious. Never had they thought to be kind or nice or to love the other. Both were just there for the convenience and security of the other, they made each other look well before their peers and before God. (So, they thought)

They really don't love each other or even want too. They have both taken time from each other's life, neither one of them will ever see that time again. Now that it is gone they have no remorse or concern about what has been done. And now they are on the hunt for someone new to fill the void not giving themselves the freedom to breathe and recuperate. They are looking for the convenience again to give them comfort and security.

Just as they have had each other; they will have another and another, because after all it was all part of a game called, “Convenience."

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